when "mistakes", just doesn't make it sound right

it's been a long day.

today started at 7.00am with me rushing out to SYFC for my sortie 4, excercise 6ii. it looked extremely cloudy, with tendancies to rain. at 7.45am, i was still at woodlands, and i had to rush down, i took a cab. on seletar highway, it started raining lightly. when i got to the club at 8.05am, the weather was IMF, which was instrument flight. had my "lecture" by mr GOH CL. i left for the apron at 8.45am to do my checks, and departed at 9.00am with a few hiccupus at the end of my engine run up checks.

today was the worst excercise i ever had. i mean, flying was easy for me, it was the domestics that was alittle tough. today, i managed somehow with my cehcks and R/T with the least amount of scolding. but the flying training was a complete ZERO. zero visibility. filthy strong winds. and absolutely bad temper. i couldn't see shit outside my window, and i was completely irritated by GOH.

it's so retarded. i tried to maintain wings level, and he was trying to maintain constant heading, at the same time. it was impossible. the wind kept tipping my wings side ways, when i was flying north, the wind tipped me to the right, and i kept sliding east, vice versa. another big problem, was i couldn't regain altitude without the aircraft close stalling. the nose wouldn't pitch up the way i wanted it to, until.... i found out, it was my mistake. i didn't pull hard enough and i didn't power up the throttle. and because i couldn't see anything, i can't maintain constant nose attitude. GOH kept saying, "maintain attitude to the clouds", and i kept thinking, "what? are you born dumb?". i wanted it to end.... but i couldn't, so... kept on trying. not one of my better efforts to be honest. i lost complete motivation.

at the end of m debrief, he said, i was so close to failing, but as the weather played a part in today's events, i got a....DNCO. duty not carried out. thank god, that spared me from my worst fears. but, the next time, i won't be as lucky......